


honey I love you, that's all she wrote

by sasiml



Series: oxford comma [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Alternate Universe - High School, F/M, hans jared 19, i deleted this bc its almost identical to what i ended up writing for camp rock oops, you ever write something and delete it and then go back to it and go damn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-20
Updated: 2017-03-20
Packaged: 2019-10-06 15:54:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17348132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sasiml/pseuds/sasiml
Summary: (re-upload of work posted spring 2017)In the April of her Junior year, the only question Leia ever got was about her plans for the future. Leia however was too busy worrying about her soon to graduate, aimlessly stumbling through life, drug dealer freelance mechanic boyfriend to think about any of those things.





	honey I love you, that's all she wrote

**Author's Note:**

> If you're so inclined, the playlist that goes with this au is [ here](https://open.spotify.com/user/sasimljemihuddy/playlist/7aiXnn8FUFgssUUYSBBsqR?si=kvPTi-rFSkeWUiwZrKMqIg)

In the April of her Junior year, the only question Leia ever got was about her plans for the future.

She was one of those students teachers can't stop talking about. She's mentioned on the Sampson Bryant Academy Facebook at least once a week with whatever she accomplished that week. Leia was head of the debate team and recently elected Secretary General of Model UN. She had received highest academic honors every trimester since her freshman year, and had risen to be captain of the equestrian team by her sophomore year.

The expectation was she'd follow in her late mothers footsteps and become a congresswoman or something equally impressive and important. Leia however was too busy worrying about her soon to graduate, aimlessly stumbling through life, drug dealer freelance mechanic boyfriend to think about any of those things.

The national deadline for college decisions was quickly approaching, and Han hadn't made so much as an indication as to what he was gonna do.

"What about the University of San Diego? You liked their engineering program," she says from across a library table.

It's study hall and Leia's Honors English essay is abandoned in exchange for a list of Han's college acceptances. Han's already in his pajama pants, balancing his chair on its back legs.

"I don't want to go to California," he says, looking at the ceiling.

"Ok, Drexel. They gave you great financial aid and they have that co-op program," she says, flipping through packets and handing him the corresponding folder.

"Yeah maybe," Han says noncomittedly.

Han's chair falls on its front legs. "Leia I really don't want to talk about colleges or like future plans or any of that garbage."

"Han."

"No really, I've waited my entire high school career to do something other than study from eight to ten every night and yet I'm sitting in a library with the favorite for next year's student body president."

She notices the poorly disguised compliment in his insult and does her best to hide her smile.

"You know if you had bothered to actually try and get on honor roll more often you would've been able to do that all along," she points out.

"Whatever, the rest of the guys are out on the tennis courts and I'm looking over papers," Han says in a huff.

"Technically you haven't actually looked at anything," Leia points out.

"I'll look at them later, I have forever to decide it's fine," he says exasperatedly.

He gets up and swings his bag over his shoulder.

"Look I'll see you later, ok sweetheart?" he says, softer this time.

"Yeah ok," she waves him off. He kisses her cheek.

Leia sits and observes her peers for a while before heading back to her room. She notes two senior girls who live in her hall sitting on the couches by the door, gigging over their laptops. Both of them had gotten in early decision to Bryn Mawr and Brandies respectively, making their college processes over in December, and their lives that much easier.

Leia knows some of Han's peers from the varsity hockey team were recruited to play for some Division 3 schools too. She sighs and shoves her computer back in her bag, grumbling to herself about how come she couldn't have dated one of them instead as she pushes open the double doors wwhen she gets back to her dorm, earning her a few glances as she walked through the lounge to shut herself in her room.

* * *

 

Han drives her out the the barn after checking in at Saturday brunch and making sure the coast was clear to take his car out.

"I don't know what I'm gonna do with Apprentice when I go to college," she muses.

Han slows down to make the turn from one long empty road to another.

"What do you mean?" he asks. "You wouldn't sell him would you? You just got him what, last Christmas?"

"Two Christmases ago. No of course not. I just mean I don't know if I'm going to be somewhere where I can take him with me, you know?"

Han hums in acknowledgement.

"Speaking of colleges -" she starts.

Han groans loudly. "Leia."

"No really," she adds, pushing through. "I was looking at your package from Fordham and you could totally afford it if you took out just a small loan in addition to what they gave you."

"Ok well one I don't have any credit so I don't know where you think that loans coming from," Han says. "And two, I lived like two blocks from Fordham when I was at the Sanwell House. Isn't the point of going to college to move past all that?"

"Well you wouldn't be living in a boys home Han you'd be living in a dorm. On your own. As an adult."

"I guess," he half heartedly agrees, pulling in to the long gravel driveway, past the pastures and up to the barn.

"Looks like someone's happy to see you," Han says, pointing in the direction of the passenger window.

Sure enough, a big gray warmblood was running up the classic white fence enclosing the gelding's pasture next to the driveway. Han watches Leia laugh with joy as her horse makes a sliding stop to pace along the fence while they park the car.

Han walks up to rub Apprentice's nose. "Plus, he couldn't come to New York anyway," he says.

"You trying to steal my horse Solo?"

Han just smiles.

* * *

A few days later Leia brings the college problem up to Luke at breakfast. They're sitting on the patio overlooking the turf fields and sharing a plate of french toast sticks before class when she asks if Han's mentioned anything to him.

Luke shrugs. "Not really. I know Mr. Gibsons been on his ass about it though. I don't think he'll let Han make a bad decision you know?"

"The advisor system, bravely saving one student at a time." Leia says dryly, dipping her French toast in to the syrup collecting on the edge of the plate.

"He'll be fine, Leia," Luke assures her. "Honestly he probably doesn’t even need to go to college. He got a great education here and he’s got marketable skills-"

"But he's so smart," Leia interrupts him, almost whining. "I mean you're in AP Physics with us you see him. He tries really hard to cultivate this bad boy 'I don't care about anything' persona but the truth is he loves learning."

"Yeah but maybe academia just isn't for him," Luke pushes. “He doesn’t have to be just like you.”

Leia dabs up the last of the syrup, two sticks in hand, with a little more force than necessary.

She finds Han later during their shared free period in the student center with a few crumpled up bills, charming the ladies attending the counter in to making him a breakfast sandwich.

"You know if you got out of bed earlier you wouldn't always miss getting the last one," Leia says from behind him.

Han turns around and smiles when he sees her. "They're making it aren't they?"

Leia just rolls her eyes and sets up camp on the couch by the TV. She tucks her feet up under her uniform skirt and rummages through her bag for her copy of Gatsby to make notes before class. Han joins her a few minutes later with a warm sandwich in hand, and looks over her shoulder.

"Make sure to put something in about the lever in the elevator as a phallic symbol if you're gonna write about the homoerotic subtext," he says, looking at her notes.

Leia nods. "Good one," she says, quiet and passive. She doesn’t say anything for another few moments until Han loudly sighs.

"Leia I'm gonna go to college ok?"

"You picked one?"

"No."

"Then the jury's still out."

Han loosens his tie a little, craning his neck.

"Come on, Leia I don't see what the big deal is I'll figure it out."

"This is happening right now!"

"And this isn't about you!" Han says, nearing on loud now. Leia recoils. She hates when he goes from zero to one hundred like that. She knows she’s just as bad on some days, and on others she nags and pokes and doesn’t give him a moment of peace, but it’s never nice.

"This is my future,” he continues, “and in case you haven't noticed, I haven't been getting the same help everyone else has. It's not like I have parents to sit on the phone with my college councillor. When I graduate I'm officially on my own. That's it. So you know, _excuse me_ if I'm trying to actually consider that factor."

"But you're not," she bites back. "You can’t blame it on money until you know where you get in and you know that. This isn’t about practicality you're just scared and pretending this isn't happening instead."

"Yeah and your compulsive need to plan everything and get some false sense of security isn't gonna stop me from leaving."

They look at each other, fuming and taking a few deep breaths. They've had fights like these long enough to know how to end them.

Han caves first, his shoulders softening and a quiet exhale escaping his lips. He  jerks his head towards the door. “Can we-?”

Leia nods, shoving her laptop and notebook into her bag and signing it over her shoulder before following him out the door and away from prying ears.

You never got a single moment alone in this place, and somedays it feels like overwhelming love. Others, however, it just reminds you of all the ways in which you are still lonely.  

Leia breathes in the air. It feels like spring still, the grass is finally that beautiful vibrant green, the trees in full bloom, entire parts of campus finally walkable and enjoyable after being covered in feet of snow and subsequent mud for six months. Everything is so, so beautiful, and Leia can’t help but fixate on the irony of it all being birthed at the end of the academic year before she was to leave for the summer and not get to enjoy it much at all.

"I have to be realistic, you know? I'm 19, I aged out of the system a year and a half ago and the only reason I'm not in some shitty apartment somewhere is because I got lucky enough to come here you know?" He runs a hand back through his hair. "I got a little extra time going away to school but once you age out of the system it’s just you, you know you're completely alone."

"You're not alone," Leia says quietly. "Han you're family."

"Yeah that's just it though," he says. "If you guys hadn't basically adopted me I'd be fucked. I could've been flat out homeless last Summer only, I was at your house."

"You're being fucking dramatic. You've been coming home with us for years it's not a big deal," Leia says.

"I don't want to be your charity project," he spits.

"Well first of all if we're really getting in to it, it was Luke who first came up with the idea of you staying with us that summer after our freshman year. You and I weren't even dating yet if you recall."

"Yeah for like the first month," Han dismisses her.

"We got together in July it still counts," Leia insists.

"Yeah ok how about after that then?"

"After that we were together of course I wanted to be with you. Are you saying you wish you hadn't come to DC that Thanksgiving because if I recall correctly it turned out to be a pretty great week."

Han suppresses a smile at the memory. An actual honest to god moment alone for the first time since the Summer where walls finally came down and they traded open-mouthed kisses and touched with trembling hands and whispered promises they truly did not know if they could keep.

Leia catches the upturn of the corners of his mouth, and grins.

"See? I'm sure glad you kept coming home with me, boarding school hookups require significantly more creativity,” she says.

"Honestly I think I might miss them," Han says seriously. He means it.

* * *

 

They don’t talk about college after that, leaving Leia practically bursting at the seams. She’s blocked _US News and World Report_ from her laptop,

"I heard Alice Rosen just committed to Lafayette," Han says.

"Ugh," Leia scoffs, stabbing a grape with her fork. "Of course she did."

"You're just mad because she almost beat you at state last year."

"Please, her argument against state funding for solar panels lacked serious substance."

“I was at that one - I’m pretty sure it was the same time you argued with the moderator for two minutes on whether or not you yielded your time correctly.”

“I did yield it correctly he was using the wrong format.”

"Sure, Princess." Han picks at penne on his plate, caked with the remains of sauces from at least two portions before. "So no Layfette for you huh?" He asks.

"Don't think so. At least it's not on my list."

"What is?"

"I don't know. My reach is Brown, I think. I like Smith a lot, and Georgetown but I'm not sure I wanna go to school in my hometown, you know? Then there's Bowdin but that's so close to here. Plus, Lukes probably gonna end up following me again so I have to consider that," Leia says.

"I don't know, he's grown up a lot in the last few years. He might be comfortable going his own way."

"I doubt it."

"Well, we'll see."

They eat in silence for a few minutes.

"You’ve put more thought into this as a junior than I have all year." Han says.

"I made these lists last year," Leia replies.

The bell rings.

* * *

 

Ten minutes before lights out, Leia’s wringing out her freshly washed hair and thanking whatever higher power for a night where she actually got all her homework done without having to ask for a late lights extension when she gets a text from Han.

_meet me on the turf fields. 12:30_

Leia taps out her reply.

_I literally just showered and got in my pjs_

_well put on a coat this is maine you should have 20 of them_

Leia groans.

_fine. 12:30 by the baseball field._

Han just sends her a penguin emoji.

Leia makes her way down the hill to the fields at 12:30, checking over her shoulder as she tiptoes through the lounge and out into the night to where Han was sitting against the fence.

"Ah welcome," he says. He's smiling and his arms are spread out on either side of him.

Leia's smiling too. It took awhile but somewhere between chasing after him to do the right thing and somehow getting dragged into whatever scheme she was voiding, she loved Han's antics.

"Are you gonna tell me what I'm doing here?" She asks.

Han smiles and pulls a bottle of Korbel out from the backpack at his feet.

“We’re celebrating.” He says, gesturing for Leia to move behind him so he could open the champagne. The bottle pops and Leia reflexively looks over her shoulder to check for any teachers.

“Ok and what exactly are we celebrating?”

Han stands up and raises his head proudly. "I have made a decision," he says. "My decision is, I'm not making a decision. At least not right now."

Leia's brow furrows. "What are you talking about."

"I'm taking a gap year," Han says.

"Usually when someone here talks about doing a gap year it means they're going backpacking with a bunch of CEO's children. I'm assuming that's not your plan?" she asks. "How is a gap year going to help anything that's just postponing the problem."

"It's not though," he responds. "It was actually you who gave me the idea when you mentioned a PG year. Obviously I can't do one and I don't really need to, I know how to go to school and my grades are good enough to go where I'd like, but I don't have anything to fall back on. I mean if we were to break up right now and never talk again I'd have to scramble to build a new life. This way I can make a little money and learn to live on my own away from a campus or a foster home or something."

"Yeah but where are you gonna do that?"

Han smiles. "Tyler talked to his dad about taking me on at his auto shop. I'll just be outside Augusta. There's a nice enough one bedroom by the Sears I have enough saved up to make a deposit on."

Leia stares at him. She can't breathe. A year of anxiety about him leaving, and suddenly he isn't and he's delaying his education. For her.

“But -” she begins, suddenly furious. "You can't _stay_ for me. Thats too much pressure it’s not _fair.”_

“Leia -”

“No! You can't make major life decisions based on your high school girlfriend that's not fair to you or to me. You said it yourself, what happens if we break up?"

"I don't think that's gonna happen."

“You don’t know that!” she’s almost in tears now, furious at herself for letting it get this far. "And what about when I go to college then what?"

"Then I can make my decision taking in to consideration how far away you'll be."

"That’s stupid,” she bites.

"It's not even about you entirely," he says. “I’m not ready to leave just yet.”

“Don’t be a coward.”

Han quiets for a moment. “There are worse things.”

Leia doesn’t say anything. She runs the cuff of her sweatshirt over her eyes in one swift movement.

“I want you here,” she says.

“Then why are you so upset?”

“This wasn’t how it was supposed to go."

"Let me make the plan just for once, I promise you can have the power back."

Leia looks up at him. Han's just standing there with his stupid grin and this  _unwavering_ confidence in her and their love and their life and maybe it's all a little too much but she takes his face in her hands kisses him because it's the only way she can possibly start to explain to him the pure  _terror_  she's feeling. 

"Drink up, sweetheart. It's gonna be amazing."

He clink’s his plastic glass against hers. She breathes.


End file.
